At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
