I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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