I could have mohawked her pubes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
