Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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