Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
