I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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