Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
