Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.