The maid of honor just puked.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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