tell your sister to shave her snatch
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.