what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?