yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best