she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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