It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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