I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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