as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
