nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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