She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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