My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
