I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i believe in u and ur pee
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
