I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
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Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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