Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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