today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
