By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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