1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
