The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
