I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
