Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
