Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
