we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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