Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
sarcasm needs its own font
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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