My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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