it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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