I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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