He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
