I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
