Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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