So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
