you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
