I think im going to throw up on grandma
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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