at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Are we still banned from the library?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
