Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
