OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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