I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
