The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
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I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
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I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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