the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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