I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
