I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
