I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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