I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
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Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
