I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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