Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
