you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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