"it" just moved
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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