Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
