he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
