god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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