I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
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Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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