My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
