I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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