Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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