I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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