Are we in a gay sports bar?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
