Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
