i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
