i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's shark week go big or go home
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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