Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
