Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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