Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
