If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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