Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
